The Podolskiy Method: Parenting an athlete
There is no roadmap for parenting. No "one size fits all". Together we will learn what works and what does not work. Join and listen to doctors, coaches, athletes, parents, and many other guests of all walks of life. Lets take "parenting an athlete" to the next level and give them the right tools for the job.
The Podolskiy Method: Parenting an athlete
Navigating Youth Sports with Morgan Stewart
Ever wondered how a girl playing baseball with boys can end up a national champion and hall-of-famer? Morgan Stuart, former softball player turned instructor, shares her remarkable journey from her sports-oriented upbringing to becoming a University of Washington Hall of Famer. Join us to uncover her transition and the intense recruitment process that landed her at the University of Washington. Morgan's story is not just about athletic prowess, but also about balancing the demanding life of a college athlete with academic responsibilities.
We dive into the intricate world of youth sports, focusing on the influence of parents and coaches in shaping young athletes. Understand the crucial role of body awareness, the invaluable lessons learned from failure, and the pressures parents face in their child's sports journey. You'll hear about the triumphs and setbacks of youth hockey tournaments, the significance of patience and resilience, and the careful consideration needed when deciding to move children from recreational to travel sports. These insights are essential for anyone invested in the development of young athletes.
Finally, we explore the art of building confidence in young athletes and the pivotal role parents and coaches play. Discover strategies for effective communication, the balance between building confidence and maintaining discipline, and the importance of treating athletes as whole individuals. Whether you're a coach, parent, or athlete, this episode is packed with practical advice and profound insights on maintaining motivation and overcoming challenges in sports and life. Tune in to learn the characteristics that set successful athletes apart and how to foster a healthy, developmental sports environment for the youth.
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We'll be right back. Good morning everybody and welcome to another episode of the Podolsky Method podcast. It is a beautiful Sunday morning out here in New York and I'm joined by Morgan Stewart today from all the way out in California. But before we start I'd like to introduce myself myself. I'm coach oya podolsky, level five usa hockey master coach, creator and host of the podolsky method podcast, owner and operator of a skate sharpening shop called sharp, sharp skate new york, and I'm a cpa by trade.
Speaker 1:I'd like to uh call out our sponsors. Print only with us, a full printing shop in new york city for any of your printing needs, or Gate Hockey, that protection for your teeth when you're playing hockey with an advisor of your choice. Get 10% off with the code 10PODOLSKIY. Of course, our friends at Howis Hockey, who can get you tape or anything you need for your stick and other hockey needs, with 10% off as well with P-O-D-O-L-S-K-I-Y-1-0. As usual, please check out the Junior Rangers programming at nhlcom slash rangers, slash community, slash youth dash hockey. For under $300, you get full gear, 10 lessons, and you can't beat that in order to break into the sport of hockey, which tends to get a little bit expensive. So it's a great opportunity for you to let your child try a new sport.
Speaker 1:We are going to start early September, so the registration should be opening up very, very shortly. So be on the lookout and, of course, check me out at thepodolskymethodcom. If you haven't visited the website, there's a little blog and you can find all of the talk shows and episodes on there, as well as all the major platforms like Apple, amazon and that's it. So let's let me introduce Morgan Stewart. She's a software platforms like Apple, amazon and Tetra. So let me introduce Morgan Stewart. She's a softball player who turned instructor. She's a national champion and University of Washington Hall of Famer college coach, co-founder of the Package Deal and an Eastern ambassador. I'm sure I didn't capture everything, morgan, so maybe you could tell me a little bit about yourself and where you come from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm actually in my childhood room growing up right now in Riverside California. Yes, grew up playing softball. Now I'm around girls ages 8 to 16. Every single week, we instruct and give basically infield lessons. We call them defense lessons on Instagram and we see about 250 families a week, as well as throw clinics, and we've got an online presence. It's our platform called Defense Club, where we put all the drills and basically try to reach as many softball families as possible.
Speaker 1:Awesome. So talk a little bit about you growing up. What was it like in your household and did you play multiple sports? Did your parents support that? Did they not want you to be an athlete? What was that like?
Speaker 2:Well, growing up in my house, my dad played football at Texas, so he was an offensive lineman and yeah, I guess it was really easy to say we're a sports family, but not because anyone pushed us in that direction, it was more so we just really enjoyed it. I grew up playing baseball with the boys. I was the oldest and I just really gravitated to the sport of baseball, probably around 12 years old which in today's timeline is late to kind of transfer over to softball. But transfer over to softball because of the future opportunities college scholarship, that kind of allure and grew up playing and was recruited to play at the University of Washington. But yeah, I would say growing up in the sport was very much a lifestyle kind of choice. Parents and players that are listening to this, it's, they get it. It's like, yeah, I'm an athlete and it's, it wasn't really a question and, um, it was fun, awesome well, that's so you know.
Speaker 1:Talk a little bit about your washington state experience, that college, uh, experience of being an athlete um, what was that like getting there? And you said you got recruited and what did it take to stay there?
Speaker 2:So one being from California any West coast people listening very sunny, very bright, very a lot of sunshine and going up to Seattle was not so much a culture shock but just a weather shock.
Speaker 2:It was rainy all the time and you guys in the East Coast are like that's nothing, you don't even have snow. But yeah, it was very different because you're living on your own, You're responsible for your training, your eating, your everything, and they help you out a ton. Right, You've got great resources as a college athlete. You've got tutors if you need it. You've got I was on a full ride scholarship so I had so many benefits and things that were provided for me, but at the end of the day, you're responsible for showing up and taking advantage of those things and knowing your schedule. So, to get there was one thing and, like you said, to stay, there was quite another of figuring out like who you are, what impact you want to leave and then how much work you're willing to put in to be a starter, to excel, to be mentally healthy and well and able to contribute. So there's a lot that goes into it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I myself wrestled Division III. I was a martial artist for most of my athletic career, well I should say my younger athletic career. I switched to hockey kind of full-time about 20 years ago or so, but before it was always a secondary sport for me, which was interesting, um, but I was a black belt in taekwondo. I used to teach that. That's where I got my first teaching experience at the age of 17, 18, uh, but wrestling in college. I just remember that.
Speaker 1:You know the demand that took. You know, three hours a day, practices, six, seven days a week if you had meets on top of that. And then, um, I remember moments like we had to um, at the end of practice we had to do push-ups on our hands, like while on a handstand, and you know somebody's holding your legs, push-ups, and you know I got nauseous. So I ran to the restroom to, you know, get all the bad stuff out of my system. And my buddy was holding me up, was standing right there behind me just waiting for me to finish. He's like you ready. I was like yep, and we were back on that mat doing that right back to where we left off. It was just that kind of environment. You never wanted to be that guy that didn't go the extra little mile.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know a lot of employers look for former college athletes to give jobs to, because those people are used to balancing their priorities and they're used to pushing themselves and competing and having that extra fire to get it done. And they're used to pushing themselves and competing and having that extra fire to get it done and they're used to actually doing having kind of two full-time jobs. You have to be a student and you have to be an athlete. And yeah, I can't think of a better way to really prepare for I guess real life than being an athlete.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, that's. That's such a great point right that now you sports being so available to everybody, whether it's baseball, hockey, basketball, football you see a big influx of kids getting into the sport, and I think you mentioned something earlier that I wanted to kind of go back to that. You said you, you know the age of 12.
Speaker 1:Um, speaking of sport, now it's considered late I want to talk a little bit about that shift in culture, right, because I know that. You know, even talking to some professional nhl players and football players, and they all say, oh, you know, I started at 10 or started at 11, and then they meet the nhl or the nfl or, you know, nba. That doesn't fly anymore and I think that's also a reason why the skill in these games is so much greater, right that's. Can you talk a little bit about that experience of what you're seeing now versus what you experienced?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think there's definitely a trend in women's sports. With the immense growth that we've seen in the last few years especially, but just in general, softball has grown like exponentially, with being up more on TV, more and more girls are choosing sport instead of other things, and I love it obviously. I think it's a great thing. But you're seeing a lot of growth side effects and that some of it is great, some of it is questionable and, for example, some of it is great, meaning you've got more people playing, you've got more people getting those life skills and those valuable character traits of being an athlete. But then on the other side, these kids are being forced to start earlier and earlier, which means parents are being forced to cart them around earlier and earlier. That can be a great thing if it's managed in the right way, or the expectation is there that hey, when you're five, six, seven years old, this is supposed to be really fun.
Speaker 2:In softball we're starting to see eight and under travel ball, which is a very, very big time commitment, and especially for kids that are seven and eight years old, who are just starting to figure out like, do I like softball? That are seven and eight years old, who are just starting to figure out, like, do I like softball? And of course they love it because it's exciting and if they're really good at it it's really fun to do something that you're good at. But then you kind of go on and on into 10 and under travel ball and now it starts to be more of a chore.
Speaker 2:And then 12 and under travel ball and all these kids are well-seasoned veterans in this weekend that they only are playing softball. They're traveling two, three hours a week to get to their field, two or three hours to get there. They're playing all day, 8 am to 8 pm, saturday and Sunday. Then they got to travel back, then they got to go to school and this is something that I started getting used to at 12. And then you tack on four years of that for some of these kids and it can be a lot. So yeah, I guess I'll stop there because I have so much to say about it. But yeah, it's definitely a lot and softball right now, specifically, is navigating some of that.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so do you guys have any breaks throughout the season, or does it go like, once the season starts, it's nonstop every weekend?
Speaker 2:It depends on where you live. So softball in California and Texas and Florida travel ball is year round and we get a break for the holidays. So some people will take three weeks off or a month off and then, right after our national tournaments, which is like later July or beginning of August, people will take a month off, but some people don't get that long because you've got to try out for the next team. So all in all, these kids are getting maybe two months off a year and they're doing something every single night of the week. They're doing a pitching lesson, they're doing hitting lesson. Now, defense lessons are now more popular. Uh, a lot of these kids have mental coaches, strength training coaches, they've got team practices and their weekends are taken up, so it's a lot yeah, no, I no, I hear you.
Speaker 1:You know, I was reading a very interesting article the other day about how puberty impacts development, and so there was a study, and I don't recall exactly the details of it, but something to the extent that they said that, you know, putting a child through all this rigorous training that early and, and then they go through puberty and their body completely changes and the way they move can change, the way their hips open up or their shoulders get broader or they grow, you know, seven inches, and that all impacts all the development, all the dynamics, like they say, teaching a person to throw a ball a certain way or skate have a certain stride, and all of a sudden that stride doesn't work anymore, that pitch doesn't work anymore, and now you have to almost reteach it or readjust it.
Speaker 2:At that point, oh, yeah, I would say that there's a lot of families that come to me that are like, yeah, she never used to have problems throwing or fielding a ball. And then you really you look at it and like, where are you comparing this to her 10 year old self, to her 13 year old self? Well, yeah, it's complete, it's going to be completely different. A lot of throwing is about timing. A lot of sports is about timing, and now her arms are longer and her legs are longer and everything moves different. So course, you're gonna have issues, um, but yeah, it's, it's, it's definitely there's so many issues around this that, um, yeah, we could talk forever about about why.
Speaker 1:why don't we call out a couple and you know, a couple issues that you're seeing in athletes now that they have to deal with as part of that growth spur, and maybe call out one or two ways that you help them get over it or get to the next level?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, with the growth spur, understanding body awareness and kind of the unlocking mechanisms of the body, like what is opening first, what should they focus on first? And that's one of the biggest things that we do to combat, like them not understanding what's going on with their body is drills of body awareness, like breaking things down and having them do it slow and having them not regurgitate word for word what we're talking about. But if they can give some verbal understanding of, okay, hips open, then our shoulders open, like at least they've got kind of a piece by piece understanding of that, they can self-check at home. So we do, drill breakdown is a really simple way to put it. Then we do, honestly, we tackle a big part of the mental piece.
Speaker 2:So, understanding that failure is part of it, understanding that when you fail, there's so many things that you can look at and be address as, as opposed to just being successful all the time, and then you're not pushed to make any adjustments or change or grow. So, using that as as our tool and our measuring stick of like, okay, the ball went through your legs, what's that mean? Okay, that means we have to get our chest a little bit lower. That means we have to get our glove more in front of our eyes. So those those big two things so body awareness drills and coaching that failure is part of sport are probably the two biggest I love that because I think you know you touched on a topic, that's that.
Speaker 1:you know we tend to explore a lot on the show about failure, right, and I think, um, you know a lot of guests talk about that and if you, if there's a reference or something that you could pull out of the conversations, it's always that failure is a big source of frustration, not just for the players but for the parents. Oh yeah, right, and so they kind of start judging, uh, the child's performance or their experience in the club, and if the team is not winning yet, or the player is not playing to their potential yet, their patience is so short-fused and then you get a lot of frustration. So how do you tend to deal with that when it comes to the parents and the families?
Speaker 2:frustration. So how do you tend to deal with that? When it comes to the parents and the families, parents are very difficult because I would think a parent's worst nightmare is their kid not playing. Second worst nightmare is their kid being in there and failing After all the time and energy and money. It's tough because youth sports is such a unique culture, because all this time money, energy, effort is going into is coming from the parents and it's going into the kid. And so when parents are paying for something like travel or tournament fees you know monthly dues, these kinds of things they are expecting some return. And if in the end, their kid isn't getting playing time, so they're not even getting experience, that's really hard to deal with. In the end. If they're paying for lessons and they're paying for extra instruction and their kid's not then performing, that's really hard to deal with.
Speaker 2:So I feel like my job as somebody on social media or somebody that's talking to these parents really regularly during the week, is to talk about the role of failure, and I'll even go further into the parent's experience. It's really tough to see another kid failing that might be playing in front of your kid fail and then perpetuating this negative energy about that failure when it doesn't do anybody any good. Doesn't do anyone any good to hear, especially the kid on the ride home hearing about oh and so-and-so little Susie didn't make that play and you could have made that play. It just perpetuates this idea that her not making the play or making a mistake is such a terrible thing that mom or dad is talking about it and it's affecting me. Even this other person that's failing. That failure is affecting my experience as well.
Speaker 2:So it can be very toxic to, depending on how a parent is approaching this whole topic of failure, and definitely affect a kid's want to play and continue on in sport and also affect their perspective or version of what sport actually is. So, as much as we can, I feel like it's our job and our duty as instructors or as people that have been around the sport in a healthy way and we've seen all the cool benefits of it to really perpetuate the narrative that this is part of the game. In order to play, you have to be head and shoulders better than the person above you, and this is athletic. So there is somebody that's better or somebody that's worse, and the people that are best are going to play on the field. But it's definitely tough when youth sports doesn't have the resources that maybe a professional club does, and the head coach is somebody's mom or dad.
Speaker 1:So I'm like I'm touching on a ton of different things here, but uh, but yeah, it's a lot no, you're absolutely right, because you know the most committed coaches and the coaches that show up every week are usually the coaches who played the game at some point, but they have kids in the field, because it is hard to be so committed when you, let's say, you're having a full-time job and then every night or every weekend you have to show up and coach. And you know, most of the most of the youth coaches are not, you know, making millions of dollars, like, like people in the professional realm, and so you end up having the situations where you do need to invest help of, hopefully, people who are aware of the game, who can teach the game. And you know there's something to be said about that, because I think that there's some phenomenal parent coaches who get to coach because they're kids and then they stay there because they love it and they enjoy it and they really get to uh, participating and be like, yeah, this is what I want to do. It really brings me a lot of joy and I'm one of those people. You know, when I started coaching, I kind of started a couple years before my kids were coming up to see if I would even like it. You know, I kind of fell in love with it and I think that's kind of my retirement plan, you know, because that's not something you need to stop, you could coach forever. And so it's Because that's not something you need to stop, you don't need a retirement, you could coach forever. And so it's amazing.
Speaker 1:But I think you touched on a couple of points, as you mentioned, when it comes to accepting the failure or blaming somebody, I talk a lot about on the show, something called kitchen talk, where parents kind of talk between themselves and say the coach is this or the organization is this, the administration is this and the negative, and they're kind of talking about other kids and saying that Susie made a mistake. If it wasn't for her, we would have won that tournament, we would have won that game, you know, and we explore that topic a lot because your kids listen when you least expect them to and I think that impacts the way they react when they are with their coach. Or mom or dad said the coach is not good. Mom or dad said that the director of the administration is not good. So I want to go to a different team, I want to be with a different coach, a different coach.
Speaker 1:I don't, I no longer can accept criticism or guidance about my game from this person because all that value was taken away. So what do you get? Do you do anything with the, with parents, education or anything on the side to try to get them out of that habit and kind of be mindful of the conversation?
Speaker 2:yeah, I would say most of my social media content or my courses inside defense club are geared towards coaches and parents, cause, in reality, um, it's not going to be the eight, nine, 10 year olds that are scrolling Instagram and looking for, like softball knowledge right, it's, it's the parents and the coaches that are are really watching my stuff and, um, are the content is created around mostly mindset. And, in reality, when that kitchen talk happens and it's happening in front of kids, or the kitchen talk happens and it kind of seeps into how the parents are treating the coaches or the parents are treating the other kids, um, it's very, very detrimental to the overall mindset of your athlete, very, very detrimental to the overall mindset of your athlete. And the reasoning is because, when we blame other people and when parents are doing this, it's very easy right To just go oh it's this, oh it's this. It's not an internal look of what extra work can I be doing? What's most going to help me? Is it blaming somebody else? Or looking at the actions that I'm doing and seeing how I'm going to either react to the negative things outside me or rise to the occasion or whatever the case might be? So when that happens, you're giving your child kind of a victim mindset. It's not about what I can do. It's everything is happening to me. Everything is what I can do. It's everything is happening to me. Everything is you know.
Speaker 2:And if when you it's hard to have that conversation directly to parents, when it's happening right, there's tact involved.
Speaker 2:But yeah, a lot of the things that we talk about are how to elevate that mindset and have kids be in charge of their journey, take ownership and responsibility of their experience. And if you were to ask a parent you know how they go about their like, what they are responsible for, say, their job, the childcare, you know things that they go about in their normal day and ask them, do you think it would be helpful if somebody outside, maybe your parents were talking about your life in a way of like, oh yeah, well, I don't know, your husband should do this for you or your boss should do this for you and all these things? Is that going to make your mindset more clear and help you thrive, or is that going to make you a little bitter and resentful and unhappy? It's a very obvious situation. So why would we do that and turn to our kid, just so we are able to feel better emotionally about what's happening. It's unfair really and it's irresponsible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree 100%, it's. You know. It's so interesting how we forget those things, that that somebody did to us or some, you know, when we were growing up, if we really didn't like or we still remember as being something really bad, and we get to this parenting experience, a coaching experience, and we completely repeat it, you know, without even you know, and then ultimately you don't recognize that you're doing it. But there's sources like us and in the you know shows like this and in your content, where you're trying to help people really take a step back and be like okay, get out of that defensive mindset, you can do better, let's find something better. I think a lot about empathy and having that as a tool before you speak to a child or another coach or a parent, rather than this, I guess, reverting to negative comments that come out of ignorance because you don't have context.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I just I think that the parents and coaches have, I think, the toughest role in this, because the kids go out there and, yes, it's difficult to be an athlete, but when you're there, our job is to play and we don't need to really focus on a ton else, or we shouldn't be. And if we are, there's an issue. But the parents and coaches, they don't have a ton of time to devote to thinking about all these things because their job is to fund it. Their job is to get you there. They've got a full-time job, so taking care of the kid and then being super involved in the sport, they don't have a lot of like ability to pause and go.
Speaker 2:Is this the right way to think about it? Because in reality, there's so much going on and then this is like oh my God, am I kids not playing and she's not doing? Well, you know, and it's the first reaction that a lot of times happens. And if the parent had the time to sit and reflect, instead of having that first impulsive instinct, which ever it's human nature, this is this is what is really really difficult about youth sports. Is that because the most important interaction is probably that kitchen talk, the most important interaction or experience is what is said or the perspective that impacts the experience?
Speaker 2:Um, but it is the. It's the thing that is forgotten about. It's the thing that doesn't get the time or energy or space it needs to really go. Huh, how do I want to think about this? Would thinking about this a different way lead to a better result for my athlete? A hundred percent, but because, because it's what happens when nobody's watching, because it's like when we're about to go to sleep or on the drive home. It's not in the pressure of the of practice or lessons or games, but it's what happens when, again, we're like winding down and we need to emotional release. It gets forgotten.
Speaker 1:Right, no, that's such a great point. You know about just the fact that we don't have the time to take a minute and just to like reflect. And I think reflecting on yourself as much as reflecting on your child is so important because you have to think about are you helping your student athlete or your child or are you actually just kind of venting onto them, right? And then you know, for me personally, I think it took me a minute to get to a point of the power of kind of silence and not responding to some of the negative feedback, especially with social media. Now, right, like, I'll give you a perfect example.
Speaker 1:We were in a tournament where I had actually younger kids playing up into an age group. That's full contact for hockey and we ended up winning the tournament. We were down by two goals, came back to tie, it won a shootout. It was phenomenal. The parents, it was ecstatic, it was exciting, it was such a great moment. And then we had a couple of kids who were, you know, I had like three different age groups on the team, so we had most of them. Nine out of 13 kids were younger or first year at that age group, and we had a couple that were second and a couple that were moving up to the next level.
Speaker 1:And you see some of the negativity coming out of some of the parents who weren't a part of the experience, whether they weren't invited or whether they couldn't make it whatever it is, and you're seeing that on social media and you'll you realize that they are talking without context. They weren't there, they obviously don't know the other members of the team. They have no idea how we got there or what that experience felt like in the moment. And it's almost like what talking because you're bitter, because you're upset over a situation where you, you know you wanted to insert yourself into and instead of doing it in a positive way and say, hey, I want to do this next time, how do I get onto a team like that? How do I put my kid into more of those experiences so they can get to experience it? You're looking for ways to just bring down everybody else.
Speaker 1:And I talk to the kids a lot about this in the locker room because I say that it's much easier to bring somebody down than to bring yourself up. And you know, I know you mentioned something earlier as well. You know, you know, probably seen this all the time when you have a kid who is not playing, who is a little bit behind the eight ball or a year or two, and then all of a sudden that kid becomes a stud and they just you know, they're your go-to player. It just took them a little longer to develop than other kids. So, you know, I think patience is extremely important. So how do you challenge that in folks and just getting them to think about you know the patience and hey, look at this person. This is where they were two years ago. Your kid can be there in two, three years as well. You just got to give it a little time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, patience is so difficult because in our society we get instant gratification in so many things, and so now I see this the most in the youth now is everyone expects things to be a little bit easier than they actually are, and if you get the easy option, majority of the time it's not a quality option, it's just fast. So I was speaking with a different company and they kind of broke it down in three ways. You can either have fast and cheap right, like you've got that option. You've got your McDonald's and it's not going to be great, but it's something right, it's something you're going to have fast and quality. That's going to be like all right, the athlete that adjusts the fastest is going to win right Fast, but it's going to cost a lot. You've got to invest. You've got your time, your energy, your focus, or you've got slow and quality right.
Speaker 2:Those are the kids that are. Maybe they don't, they're not great at 12 years old or in high school, but they keep working at it, they're diligent and they're putting in their work and eventually their hard work is going to pay off, no matter what. And uh, you look at this from the lens of our population in general. Right, there's people that excel, there's people that are winners. They're successful. Uh, and in in whatever measuring stick you have, in, uh, you know, okay, there's people with a ton of money, there's people that are great at business, there's people that are great at communicating, at relationships, at whatever span right, and there's people that aren't. And that's that's when we develop, and we put time and energy into something we're going to get better at it, and we put time and energy into something we're going to get better at it. It's just a matter of when you compare sport to life which I like to do in every single session that we teach because it's so applicable it's that the people that devote time, energy, work, a great mindset, those are the people that are successful.
Speaker 2:And there's people that just are going to choose not to be and to choose that they don't have that responsibility to get better, and those are the people that are kind of left behind. And that's why there's great performers and there's MVPs, and there's people that move on to college or professional because they were diligent in all of these things, and there's MVPs and there's people that move on to college or professional because they were diligent in all of these things, and there's people that aren't, and and the hardest thing for people to do is accept the responsibility of that right it's it's to know that this was always in my control. And maybe, maybe softball you're not the most talented and skilled softball player, but once you start to do the internal work and understand like what you want to be great at, maybe it's a softball player, maybe it's a writer, maybe it's uh, you get your business degree and you start a business. Whatever the case might be, it's you putting in the work, it's not these other outside forces not allowing you to play. It's, it's you.
Speaker 1:Right and you know to your point, I think that you know the fear of that. You know that failure, that that trickles through to your professional life all the time, like you know if you didn't learn it through sport when you get to a regular job and you made a mistake, there's anxiety, there's fear, there's, you know, there's just all these elements that impact your personal life and, obviously, your professional life. You know that impacts confidence. You know I always tell kids and to own their mistakes. So don't let somebody else take credit for your mistake, because that's the only way you're going to grow and get better.
Speaker 1:You know, and even if somebody else messed up, what could you have done differently to anticipate that error? Could you have moved into a different position? Could you have opened yourself up a little differently? Maybe, you know, spot them like, cover them, like you knew they were going to make a move and there's a risk of them failing. You could have been right there behind them in case they missed right.
Speaker 1:And so thinking about, um, taking those uh opportunities to own more of these mistakes and taking that on yourself and thinking through it improves you, not just when you have the ball or the puck or whatever, uh, but actually when you don't, and it improves your mindset in a game. So you know, I I think that you know, talking about using, you know, sports as your kind of like avenue to teach for life, right, and being, uh, getting people ready for that experience and dealing with anxiety is so, so difficult. Um, so do you have athletes that come to you with you know, as they train with you throughout the years and kind of share those personal challenges through at school, or you know even relationships and things like that, and and what do you usually, how do you usually handle that?
Speaker 2:uh, yes. So coaching girls you hear about a lot of different things, right, um? And there's a definite line between a coach and a player. You don't want to get so like involved in their life that, like you're like their friend. I've gotten to a point, like I'm 35 years old. I definitely want that line of like coach versus athlete. I want to be able to relate and give good guidance, but I don't want to like get in the weeds and like know everything.
Speaker 2:Um, but as far as advice and guidance, I I always fall back to, um, I guess, one being proud of, like, the person that you're becoming. So what is going to make you, in 10 years, proud of what you're doing or proud of how you've handled this situation? Always kind of a reflective perspective piece, cause I feel like that's what I'm doing all the time when I think about how I'm going to coach these kids, like how would I have wanted to be coached, um, or how would this have helped me if I was 12, 13, 14 years old? Um, and I think the the biggest piece is knowing that whatever issues that they're dealing with is going to feel like such a small thing in the long run, and they don't know that yet, because they don't have that perspective. And just any failure? Yes, we want to learn from it. And because why wouldn't we be prepared for how we could take ownership when we know that most of the games that we're going to be playing, there's going to be at least one mistake? So why wouldn't we be ready and more able to adjust to those? So that's a big one is like hey, let's be ready to be better.
Speaker 2:And another one is knowing how to move on quickly when a problem seems like really big in the moment. Just knowing that life's going to go on, the game's going to go on, there's going to be a next game, there's going to be a next at bat. So what's important now? Right, that acronym, or I don't even know what you call it WIN. What's important now? It's the next play, it's the next thing that's going to happen to you. So, whether they're going through relationship issues or something's going on at school, or they're not playing or they're not, x, y, z, what can you do? What can we actually do besides vent about it and, yes, that can be healthy in some way besides complain about it or make excuses about it, what else can we do? That's going to be a healthy habit for us to develop right.
Speaker 1:And then you know, speaking of that, I wanted to talk a little bit about playing at the appropriate levels. So I know you and I talked a lot about um, you know being in a situation where your child is not playing right or your child is not competitive at that specific level. Uh, going back to this spring team that I just had, my goal was to put together a team that's very, very even. I didn't want superstars, I didn't want um kids who are still developing. I wanted them to be even, so that they can all have a part in the game. I wanted them all to be in that experience, in that moment, and any one of them could succeed or fail the same way. Essentially, maybe somebody is a little bit better skater, but somebody is a little bit better shooter, and that really it worked out. It worked out in the way that I wanted it to.
Speaker 1:But I was very mindful of not trying to bring in players who were too good and then everybody else trying to rely on that player to win the game. And so I feel like when we get into the youth sports sometimes we get into this Obviously we have to manage the cost and the expectation for the organization, because sometimes you just don't have enough kids. But how do you in Solveball, how do you usually try to manage it, and do you have different levels of play or competition that are more appropriate? And if you do, how would you have that conversation with a parent?
Speaker 2:Gosh, that is very difficult and I think how you put your team together is so cool. Nobody thinks of it like that. Everybody wants the best player because they're the best player, right? They don't think of it that way. In softball, you've got recreational ball and you've got travel ball. Same with a lot of sports.
Speaker 2:And then in the different age groups it's say 14 and under, 12 and under. So you've got the opportunity to have a nine year old play 12 and under. But is that really what she needs? Probably not. Parent comes to me and says, hey, my daughter's not playing. Sometimes they'll ask me to evaluate her, and it's really tough, because at what level am I evaluating it? Are they asking me to say is she good enough to play 12 and under travel?
Speaker 2:At this point in the game of softball there's so many different levels of 12 and under travel. So it's all relative to the other people on our team. Levels of 12-minute travel. So it's all relative to the other people on our team. To your point. That's exactly the storyline. She could play on this team, but she wouldn't play on this team based on the relative skill level of the position that she plays too. So there's a lot of layers to it and it's something that a lot of parents don't consider and it comes down to the travel ball.
Speaker 2:Coaches have a lot of power in this. They control a lot of people's experiences and in terms of getting into an organization, that's, I think, is a big key. A lot of parents that want to level their kids up, go from recreational ball to travel ball, because that's in itself a big step. A lot of parents will go okay, it's time for us to go to travel, and that time they don't really realize that that's a huge decision. It's a decision in saying my daughter is skilled enough to play travel ball, my daughter is committed enough to play travel ball, and a lot of times that choice is made by oh, all of her friends are going, so let's go. It's not an individual decision. So that decision in itself is huge.
Speaker 2:And then I think there's a decision with the organization that you choose. And is that organization committed to development? Are they going to the or are they mostly like, hey, you're going to play a lot of games, or is it an organization that said, hey, your daughter wasn't playing on this travel ball team, but she will play on this travel ball team? So definitely, when making decisions, first one is individually where is your child at, and that's mostly can she play catch, can she do the fundamental things? And then does she want to play every day, because that's what travel ball is right now? So lots of decisions that I think I don't think a lot of families truly give thought to, but they should because it's. It's a big financial burden if their daughter isn't playing and all those parents are still paying the exact same as kids that would be playing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I actually. I was listening um one of the nhl coaches and he said I can guarantee you that you know he was talking in terms of hockey.
Speaker 1:That hockey, uh, is not a fair sport and he was talking about youth coaching and he was saying that I can guarantee you that there's no fairness in how much ice time or game time your child will get. Coaches don't stand there with stopwatch and switching out, unless it's a rec league, of course, right. When it's an in-house they go recreational. Then you could press a buzzer and the next guys go and you kind of just roll them and have a good time. But if you're getting into competitive sports, he's like. The one thing I can guarantee you is respect. Every player on the team gets respected. Every team player on the team gets coached.
Speaker 1:Um, but if you are willing to put yourself into a situation where it's a little bit above your skill level or above your group, you have to anticipate the fact that you're going to experience less participation time in games, right? So I always try to focus parents on the practice. Is it focus on practice time? Because practice time is everybody's practicing, everybody's involved, everybody's doing it. But game time, if it's obviously like a one-sided game, again you're probably rolling the whole team. There's nothing really to worry about.
Speaker 1:But when it's a close game, a tight game, a win or loss matters and you know, and so that's when you kind of have to start deciding on you know which players get, to go out there for the last minute or two to try to win it, or the last pitch of the game and trying to close it out. And to your point, I think that at some point, when you mentioned about making that decision and really thinking through why you want to do it, why put your child in a situation where they are somewhat set up to fail in a competitive level where they, let's say, are not ready for why not let them practice for another year? Not why not let them grow for another year and actually enjoy the game? You know, because nobody wants to be that guy you know that or the girl that gets picked last, you know yeah, and I think parents will.
Speaker 2:Parents need to know that the most power that they're going to have is in that decision of what level to put their child at or what team they're going to play on, because after that, I love that that coach set the expectation, because that's a big form of communication by itself.
Speaker 2:If that's the only thing that he said to the parents the entire year, it would be hey, refer back to what I said, remember you remember this? Like I said it, and maybe put that speech in writing and have the parents sign like hey, I remember this. But but I think a big issue with parents and, um, what happens during the season is that a lot of them don't feel communicated to and they have, they feel like they don't have any power, like, oh my God, my kid is upset because she's not playing. Or oh my gosh, my kid is upset and the coaches are not helping her, and they feel powerless and that's not a good feeling. I know that. But also we should have really understood that our power as parents truly was in what we decided to engage our kid in and what thought was put into that decision. Like that is it.
Speaker 1:Right, I love that and I know we kind of coming up on the hour here, but I wanted to talk a little bit about um.
Speaker 1:You know, as we roll off this experience and and being uh, in these situations where you're playing different teams, maybe, uh, you're not playing as much or you're the opposite, you have to continuously be the top player on the team.
Speaker 1:And you know you have all these other forces from your parents, from social media, from other coaches, the athletes coming in from all different directions. It's very difficult, I find, these days to stay confident, especially as a young athlete, or to help. And for coaches, obviously it's a challenge because when the child is constantly hearing your voice and they almost kind of become a little bit immune to it, just like you know when, as a parent, you say something seven times and they still don't hear you right, so it's similar on the bench sometimes. And so I wanted to ask you to talk a little bit about developing that confidence and then helping these kids keep it, because I know that you talk a little bit about developing that confidence and then helping these kids keep it, because I know that you talk a lot about that in your content on social media. Maybe you could talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love this topic because I think it's so critical to know different tactics at doing this, because different things are going to work for different kids. Um, if a kid doesn't have the confidence to go all out and try or, uh, to try again after failing it's, it's difficult to enjoy the experience and, in terms of what we do, defense to me in softball is much easier than hitting. Hitting you have to be successful three out of 10 times and you're an all-star right. It's very difficult. The skill is, if you put them side by side, the actual skills involved in hitting are much more difficult than defense.
Speaker 2:So what I teach in general is made to build, to build kids' confidence. So learning little skills and perfecting it and also being around kids that are doing this like trying to do the same thing as you and all of you guys are succeeding. It's a really cool thing and environment to be a part of, because when kids have those little wins and they're understanding the process of getting those little wins, that translates and it might not translate directly to hitting, but it translates to their presence, their ability to intake information and understand how to apply it. So we're teaching the kids, they're learning how to learn essentially, and in seeing that process it will build their confidence.
Speaker 2:So little wins is huge, um, in terms of the language that is used when built, when getting them those little wins, uh, you want to kind of sandwich positives together like, hey, great, try right. Or I love how you dove for that ball, let's. And then it's the adjustment, let's try this. And then hey, you got this. I believe in you, right. That kind of language is really really important, especially with kids. I think it's important for everybody, like that's how you would want to be spoken to, um, and then just knowing that, like constantly talking about the process and including failure in that process, you don't just get the result, it's. There's no easy button in sport, it's just the process.
Speaker 1:That's the the whole story right, no, and and you brought up some great practical points. I love that and, you know, for the folks listening, I think it's so important to be able to apply some of that uh to real life. I actually have a question here, oh, thank you. Thank you, christine. How do you balance building confidence and not pushing a player so it looks like you're not being too soft?
Speaker 2:Great question. Um, and this is probably a question between, like, old school coaching and new school coaching. Right, Old school, you'd hear it a lot, uh, like the yelling and, and kids would look like they're being just I don't know like abused to a certain extent. And then new school coaching coaches are kind of fearful of what they're going to say to kids, cause they don't want to get fired or, like you know, reprimanded by parents or something. And uh, I think I balance it by I'm not a yeller anyways, I'm just not.
Speaker 2:But the type of language that you use, the timing of your corrections is really critical. So you can, and if you are a yeller, I would say it's the language that you use and, again, the timing of the correction. Because if you say in a big, huge game, big, huge moment, kid makes a mistake, obviously they're upset about it. If you have a coach that's going to yell at the kid in front of parents, in front of the other team, in front of everybody, that's probably not going to build their confidence. That's probably not going to build their confidence.
Speaker 2:But like they make a mistake, they come into the dugout and you've got a one-on-one conversation just going. Hey, that can happen. They like what are we going to do to fix it? You're probably going to get a lot more trust in that athlete, which, in turn, is going to allow them to have a better experience, which is going to build their confidence. Um, but yeah, uh, I think the biggest thing is upholding your standards, no matter what. If something happens that that you've already set expectations for the player didn't perform or make an effort to uphold those standards, it has to be addressed and in that way, you're not being soft, you're approaching it in terms of the standard, the expectation, just like we talked about with the coach that set the expectation for the parents. If the standard is not upheld, then something has to be done about it.
Speaker 1:Right. I love that. I think it's so important to go through that experience as well, because I think, you know, when I started my coaching career, I was a very much, very loud, obnoxious yeller and getting it to you, um, very demanding, and I saw a lot of success with that approach, uh, but a couple years into it I realized that, um, you know that that there's a better way, um, and so I started listening to a lot of other coaches great mentors, mentors director of my organization has helped me develop as well throughout the years, and I think that I got to a point where I, as a coach, would help me is realizing that my performance, or the the performance wins or losses, is not the measurement that I hold myself accountable to. It's really the experience of the athlete and how they come away from the game, right, it's the relationship, it's the locker room vibe, the feelings you have almost like a community, right, like the culture, the culture of the room. That is the measurement that I want to hold myself accountable to.
Speaker 1:And so when we were, you know, going down by two goals in the third period, going against a team that was very good team, maybe even a little better than us, it was all about plenty of time left. Let's keep going. Who wants it, who wants to be out there, who wants to go for it? And no matter how much these guys got pushed around or hit, they just kept getting up and playing, you know, and some of them were crying and they kept playing, you know, and I was like you know, that's the definition of character, resilience, right there.
Speaker 1:And at that point, winning or losing, we ended up winning, which was icing on the cake, right, it's wonderful, but at that point it's so much beyond it. And so there's no need to yell, there's no need to freak out. It's quite the opposite. It's keeping your level head. Don't panic, get the panic out of the way, right, as you say, you know, if you're drowning, don't panic like. Come down, try to find a way to find a solution, uh, and so I feel like that works so much better than um, just reacting agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you're a coach or a parent, I just think that those measurements are so important, deciding what you want the athlete's experience to be. I mean, in my lessons we've got three rules I contact, hustle, make adjustments and if my kids are satisfying those rules, maybe I'm not super happy if balls are going underneath our legs, but I have no reason to be disappointed in their effort and that's what we're, that's what we're looking at.
Speaker 1:Right and and you know some of those, you know I think as coaches, we always love the moments where the game is on the line and it's a tight game or a one go, one point game, and that's really when, as coaches, really get to. You know, experience the coaching world. Right, if you need to blow out one way or the other, you kind of. You know you got to go through the motions at some point. But when you got those tight games, it's really when the character comes out and as a coach, you can coach through the nerves, you could coach through the fear and all that stuff, and that's I think you and I both touched on this earlier. Uh, and how important that is for athletes I have, yeah, just high pressure situations like that.
Speaker 2:That is the most emotionally charged part of the game and it's where that's what kids are going to remember. So, as a coach, you have to know that what you do in that moment is very, very important. That's exactly when coaching happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love it. I have another one more question from Christine about describing coaching boys versus girls.
Speaker 2:I coach 99% girls. So my experience with boys is I'm the oldest sibling, I've got two younger brothers who also played sports, and then we also coach some little baseball players that come into the facility. So my experience in just how I would train them differently is not really differently at all. Girls want structure. Girls want to be held accountable. All kids do. They just they just do.
Speaker 2:And as far as like baseball play, or former baseball players that are turned dads that are like, well, I don't know how to coach my daughter, I just I have no idea. I'm like, coach her like you'd coach your son, the only thing that I would say is a lot of girls want to be perfect at a skill before they go and compete and a lot of boys want to play the game, they want to compete and they don't care as much about skill, they just want to go fast and they want to go hard. So the only the only difference in like in my head as a reminder is that, uh, boys sometimes need help slowing down to break down a mechanic, and girls need a little bit more boosting or like uh, I don't know help getting up to that competition or fire mode. So boys are already there. Girls need some help getting to compete.
Speaker 1:I love that analogy you just made, because I didn't think about it that way, but it's so, so true when you think about the boys yeah, they just want to play. They may not be able to skate yet. Boys, yeah, they just want to play. They may not be able to skate yet, but they just want to play. Like what, if you play hockey? Yeah, you know, it's so great because I'll do like junior rangers, like learn to play, and the kids just learn how to get up and walk across the ice. And then they come to me at the end of practice and go can you play hockey now?
Speaker 1:and I'm like well, you can play, buddy, you're moving across the ice, look at you. You're so great, but can you play hockey? All right, you know, and then you have. Yeah, you're totally right. Then I do have a couple of female athletes. I have a great girl that was on my spring team. Now she's phenomenal. Uh, such a powerhouse. I think she's going to be an amazing hockey player, but she's just so self-conscious. You know, it just takes. You know it's like. You know she makes a mistake. She comes to the bench. I'm gonna stop, I made a mistake. I mean like you're so on point with that. It's funny, I love it. Um, thank you, christine, for your questions. Really appreciate it. I have a comment from Evgenia here. The word soft makes it sound negative, but in reality you're treating the player as a full human and developing them in full capacity. So appreciate that.
Speaker 2:I think we could agree with that yeah, I don't have any disagreement with that. I think the issue is holding the standard and that's it. Like, the standard is the standard and whether you're a new school coach or an old school coach, that is always the role of a coach is for that guidance to the ultimate standard, which is to develop fully functioning, well-adjusted and balanced human human beings. That is a really cool side effect of sport, and we get to compete and we get to have that fire, uh. But yeah, definitely don't.
Speaker 1:Don't disagree with that comment well, morgan, thank you so much for jumping on the show with me. I do like to close out with a few rapid rapid fire questions, so'm going to fire off a few of these three of them. We'll start with the first one, about what motivates athletes in your opinion.
Speaker 2:Success. I can go one word Success motivates them. Positive reinforcement.
Speaker 1:Awesome, all right, if there's three characteristics that you notice in successful athletes, what would they be?
Speaker 2:Consistency or self-discipline. So they're doing the little things a lot, so they're doing those things every day. Let's see, oh gosh, adaptability, so the ability to go in any situation and figure it out. And then the last one, great Gosh, presence. I'll say that Presence. They are aware of how they are around their teammates. They bring energy, they don't suck energy.
Speaker 1:Love it, love it. And then the last one is kind of the opposite. If there's three things that you think hold an athlete back, what are they?
Speaker 2:Victim mentality, so not taking ownership or responsibility for your actions. Jeez, fear of failure, that's an easy one. We were talking about that this entire hour and then, let's see, holds her back. I mean, be caring too much about what other people think. I think is is something that is related to confidence, because it's like, oh shoot, like I just looked really dumb in front of other people, but in reality, reality. Talking about youth sports, everybody messes up. And talking about professional sports, everybody messes up. You got to own it and move on.
Speaker 1:Right, love that, awesome. Well, thank you so much again. I think this was a wonderful hour. I know you and I can probably talk for hours, so maybe you'll set up another one, a little follow-up, with more questions For those folks who are listening. Please send in your questions if you'd like. You can send in your questions on Facebook, instagram, using social media or email at thepodolskymethod at gmailcom, and I'm happy to share them with Morgan and get you some answers. So feel free. Please follow Morgan on Instagram and Facebook. She's available. She has a lot of great content for a lot of you folks out there. She's also has her own website. It's Morgan-Stewartcom, so check that out. Right, did I get that right?
Speaker 2:right, exactly right awesome.
Speaker 1:So there's a ton of content. So if you haven't um seen Morgan's uh pages yet, definitely recommend you checking it out. Uh, again, thank you everybody for joining. Don't forget to check out the podolsky method dot com. The sound will be up uh for you to listen on your morning commute tomorrow. So appreciate everybody listening and tuning in and thank you for everyone who commented live on the show. Be on the lookout for more episodes, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, we'll be right back.